stop quitting on your own

When was the last time I took a stick of cigarette and lit it up? I can’t even remember it,and what made me do it? It’s a little secret but I like to share with you guys.

Let’s do a throw back memories of my dark era:

It was on my 3rd year college when things get pretty serious during my engineering years. I was really stressed out and eventually explored by drinking liquor but I ended up enjoying a thing that is being lit up and produces smoke, yes it’s cigarette smoking. It was my daily routine and I have been contributing in air pollution since 2005 up until something extremely happens to me.

It was of 2011 when I came to know and accepted my lord and savior Jesus Christ and eventually cut my vices.I was really on fire and was really happy until one day I received a word from Him that I can change my job. So I eventually followed Him. So I changed my job and got blessed to be assigned for a training in a certain country. But to my dismay, instead of cultivating and being a good steward for the blessings I have received from Him, I became wayward and eventually get back to my old vices and old habits. It was like old habits never die. I tried again on my own to remove smoking from daily activity but the urge and stress of the work led me back to my old habits.

It was on the last month of the 2011 , when I became severely sick. I had an interview in one of the best company in makati area when I was having a pain in my lower left neck and throat which causes me not to eat well. It was an excruciating that I try to held during the interview and even when I get home, I’m having high fever already. The next day I didn’t went to the office but instead I went to Megamall in one of the clinic there and chose to have a check up by general physician. They said it’s just mumps. But I didn’t believe them because I had mumps before and Google says it’s a rare chance it will happen again. So I went to another doctor from a different clinic and it was a specialist for ear,nose and throat. There he asked me to open my mouth and checked on my tonsils and found nothing wrong with my tonsils until he checked on the under my tongue and he found something. I didn’t hear him well but he told me, it’s better if we could admit you to check on your abscess. I was like what is an abscess so he explained it to me. I was still in pain and he handed me a referral letter for me to be admitted in medical city in pasig area.  After I went out of the clinic,I decided to go home first and got my things ( really I’m one tough girl who wants to get well )  and I had myself admitted on the same day.

As soon as I gave the referral letter ,they admitted me and they started to roam around me, I guess those where the doctors and nurses. I still felt the pain but they had told me if I have a guardian to sign the paper, that’s the time I called my boyfriend and asked a favor to him if he can sign the paper for my admission on the hospital. I think he was shock but he didn’t show it to me. So when he came to the emergency area where I am, he asked if I was ok. I just told him,it’s ok but I lied just not to worry him that much. So when the papers were given to my boyfriend, and he asked me what will he write for the relation with the patient, he just smiled and I can’t really remember what he wrote and after all that I was admitted and off to get the medications. My boyfriend was with me all throughout the admission part without saying why didn’t i told him or anything. He was silent and was just there. It was just enough to see him there and knowing that at least he is there with me. He asked me if I am going to tell it to my parents or aunt, I told them I will tell them in due time. Then came all the medicines which were injected thru IV, pain killers,antibiotics and many more. On the next day my housemate khen with  her boyfriend then now her husband, where there with me during my darkest time. I felt loved by them. My boyfriend was there and helping me throughout but he had some tasks and still work before the christmas vacation starts.

One day , while watching from the window I saw the traffic jams and people are all busy, I then asked myself why I am still here and sick and they are all there shopping for christmas? I scroll on my mobile and saw a podcast entitled: cfapodcast-Planetshakers Sunday, and then I played it. The preaching was about  God’s point of view .There’s this  woman who had sickness in her throat. She had this faith that God healed her already but she went 2x and still no result.Until she went back and healed her and the sickness on her throat she was gone. I was crying and humbly asked God to forgive me and to be reconciled with Him. I told him, that the very reason I am sick is because this sickness is self-inflicted and the cause is my smoking. I humbly asked him to heal me and to give me another chance. After my prayer I felt peace and joy in my heart. After a two weeks of being confined in the hospital the doctor gave me a release paper and found the sub mandibular abscess subside but he gave me antibiotics to take and return to him for another check up. But I know God had healed me.

After 3 weeks of  antibiotic intake there where times that there are still pains but I had eaten well. When I get back to have my check up, they had an ultrasound on my neck and found no deposits or anything and declared I am healed. But they told me that my left sub mandibular is not anymore functioning. If this occurred again we have to do an operation. So I was healed and believe God to guide me.

Now I have a calling to go to Qatar in 2012 and had my work but I got stressed and smoke again but for a week only. I felt condemned and was really hating myself that I thought I was all along trying to quit smoking through my own. It was really devastating and I cried out to the Lord. Why do I have to be trapped on this smoking issue? It was then that God reminded me that I can’t quit smoking on my own but thru Him only. So I surrender this weakness of mine and reminded by Him that in my weakness He is my strength.

Up and until now, I am smoke free, it was 2012 when I realize that smoking isn’t a thing you can get out of, yes you can get out of it thru God’s grace and guidance. I am now free and God made it possible. I highly encourage you to surrender every weakness you have and don’t fight it on your own because you will end up losing it anyway, because it’s not your battle alone but God’s battle and I am sure He will fight it for you.

~♣ally♣~

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